WHEN THE MOON YAWNED

Suddenly the moon yawned. For millennia humankind had ignored the moon had a mouth, therefore they just spent the following months commenting the terrible caries the moon had.

Frantz Ferentz, 2012

THE MYSTERY OF SEX

For months, my flatmate Genaro had been insisting that the lady running the chinese food shop around the corner was a nymphomaniac. He had reached that conclusion because she was always insinuating herself to male customers. Genaro was sure her husband, a rare example of bald Chinese, didn't give her enough pleasure, so she insinuated herself to satisfy her needs. I myself had the impression the woman intended to have fiery sex, too, but I tended to think she just wanted to have sex for any other reason (I had never met a nymphomaniac).

That's why I was surprised when my flatmate began to come home wearing a loaf of fresh bread every day. We never ate bread, so I didn't understand why Genaro bought bread. After one week I finally asked him the reason of his strange behaviour. He confessed at once, as if he needed to open his mind and his heart to me:

"It's because of that damned Chinese woman... Yes, she's a sex machine. I feel with her what I had never felt with any other..."

"Is she really a nymphomaniac or something else?", I inquired.

"Actually, I don't know", he explained. "As far as I know, she has sex with different men in the backside while her husband is out. Once we finish and return to the shop, she always picks up a loaf of bread and says: «you now buy loa' o' bread»... So she gets to sell more loaves than anybody else in the neighbourhood, despite it's a quite low quality bread..."

For the time being Genaro keeps on coming back home with a loaf of bread under his arm. He's earned three kilos because he feels he's forced to eat that nasty chewing-gum-like bread; his conscience doesn't allow him to throw it to the trash.

Frantz Ferentz, 2012

THE EXECUTION

His last thought was that they could not kill him twice, notwithstanding he had two death penalties. So when he began to feel the movement of the poison through his veins that would stop his heart, he just thought "piss off, you motherfuckers!". He then fell unconscious while feeling an unbearable sharp pain in his heart...

He woke up later on the nursing stretcher of the prison. A man in white greeted him smiling, behind him there were three armed guards. Definitely, he wasn't in paradise.

"Welcome back to life, you bastard". He didn't understand a word, He remembered nothing. But the man in white, a doctor, explained: "You've been dead for a while, you know, but we've brought you back to life to execute you again... Don't forget you still owes us a death penalty..."

Frantz Ferentz, 2012

THE MANNEQUIN

The traffic police had been suspecting for a few weeks that a certain driver used a mannequin to occupy the second place of his car in order to be allowed to drive along the fast lane - a lane where only cars carrying at least two passengers were allowed to circulate. It was difficult to detect a car having a mannequin together with a human, but the eagle-like eye of officer García finally detected it.

"It is that yellow car coming into us", he announced to his colleague while putting his binoculars down. "Let's stop it... The fine will be historical".

The couple of agents stopped the car. Officer García examined quickly the co-driver. It was clear it was a mannequin, moveless, pale, covered with a hood and wearing sunglasses. Besides a blanket covered the lower part of his body. In the distance anyone could have believed it was a real human co-driver. 

Meanwhile, Garcia's colleague asked the driver to show him his driving license. But the driver didn't react, he remained looking ahead holding tightly the steering-wheel.

"Haven't you heard me?", insisted the other police officer, who was beginning to get nervous.

Then the co-pilot turned his head left into Garcia's colleague and said to him:

"Don't insist, officer. It's a mannequin. It can't speak..."

Frantz Ferentz, 2012

WHEN DYING IS A METAPHORE

The insolent journalist asked Madrid's Mayor about the city's ceaslessly alarming degree of pollution:

"Mrs. Mayor, how do you interpret that grey filthy fog wrapping Madrid up that some experts consider too toxic to be breathed?"

The Mayor showed her best smile and replied:

"How would I interpret it? As something really magnificient: Madrid is not wrapped up in pollution, but surrounded by a halo of mystery..."

Frantz Ferentz

MY MUM IS A MAGICIAN

"Mum, when I grow up, I want to be a magician, like you".

"How come? I'm no magician at all", answered the mother to her little child who really admired her.

"Yes, you are..."

"No, my sweetie".

"You are a magician, mummy", insisted the child. "Otherwise how could you feed five people in this house with only four hundred euros per month?"

Frantz Ferentz, 2012

WHERE THE ORDERS COME FROM

The whole country showed its astonishment. Nobody, including most of his voters, understood how the Spanish Prime Minister obeyed so blindly the orders coming from the highest European institutions - such orders were destroying the country in the name of austerity. Critical voices declared that the in fact the Government had no plan to fight against the crisis, to which the PM replied angrily that everything was perfectly planned. And so, that Saturday night, the PM took his private phone and dialed a long number. He had made sure nobody could hear him. A voice on the other side answered:

"Here Alex King, your fortune-teller, what can I do for you?"

"Hello, Master... Here's Aries-Power again...", greeted the Prime Minister scratching his beard.

Frantz Ferentz, 2012